The Misadventures of Exnation and Nonnation
by Cold War Takeover
Summary: A bunch of oneshots made surrounding around Alaska and Prussia's antics together. Contains FranceXEveryone, evil!Spain, and if you squint in chapter 1 Pranada. Maybe some OCXPrussia


**Lol. I didn't keyboard mash.**

**APH doesn't belong to me.**

**Also, onesided!AlaskaPrussia. ('Cause I want to have at least a little Pranada on my FF account)**

**(These are only for this chapter, btw)**

**R&R~ **

**~*~**

**Alaska POV**

**~*~**

I was currently having a staring contest with Gilbird.

Gilbert was giving me a piggy back ride around the UN meeting halls, since neither of us were officially invited. (Sure, America dragged me along, but I think he was just worried about me erasing all of his Desperate Housewives episodes from his DVR—like I did last time, to replace it with all of my House episodes…)

Gilbert was jabbering on about random incidents that had happened whenever he came here.

I wasn't even listening, to busy was I trying to get the damned bird to blink.

"—sted Ita-chan."

I heard that and blinked in surprise. I swear I saw Gilbird look smug.

Damn bird.

"What did you say, Gil?"

He stopped dead in his tracks. "Did you really not listen?"

"I was…eh-hmm, busy."

"Doing what?" he sounded extremely curious.

"…"

"…"

"Piyo~" Gilbird sang.

"…I was having a staring contest with your bird…"

I felt his chest rumble with laughter underneath my hands. I pouted. "It's not funny…"

"You're so ADHD, like that one little nation that always hangs around the gun freak…"

"You mean Lichtenstein? She's ADHD?"

"According to gun-boy, yeah."

…

"So what had you been saying?"

"Hn? Oh, I was just saying that this is the hallway that France almost molested Ita-chan."

I coughed, and probably would've done a spit-take if my throat wasn't dry.

"Oh my God! Poor little Feli!!" I sobbed.

_My throat is really dry…._

He just laughed at me again.

I blushed again as I remembered the fact (for the sixth time in the past hour) that Gilbert was holding me on his back with his hands supporting my hips.

I placed my head in the crook of his neck. "So….why are you carrying me again?"

"Isn't the fifth time you've asked?"

"…sixth…" I mumbled.

"Because the awesome me is bored, duh! And you're so slow, I worried you'd get lost if I left you behind."

I blushed, and he stiffened from the warmth that was radiating from my cheeks. "I'm not that slow…" I mumbled. "You should see me with a dog sled…"

"But isn't that the dogs doing all the work?" he laughed.

I blushed even worse. "I'm the one telling them where to go!!"

"You're just as bad as Mattie when it comes to you and snow," he chuckled.

I felt my cheeks warm up again, but this time in anger.

Why did Prussia have to talk so much about Canada? It wasn't fair. I was Gil's friend first…

_And you were the first one to fall in love with him as well~_ A voice in my head sang.

I pouted. "…not fair…" I mumbled, looking up at the ceiling so I wouldn't cry.

God, I'm such a cry baby.

"Although I can't understand how the snow doesn't melt from both of you guys blushing."

I blushed even worse, as if on cue. "That's not fair…! I wouldn't blush if you wouldn't pick on me so much."

"Aw, you know it's because you're my friend, Alice…!" he whined.

I glared at the floor as he set me back down when we heard people mumbling from another hallway.

'Friend' echoed in my head. That was all he thought of me as. Nothing more.

I looked at the ceiling again, my eyes burning with tears. The ceiling looked too bright.

"Bruder!!" a deep voice called from around the corner.

Gil was wide-eyed.

"ALICE!!!!" an even louder, but more muffled voice called. Stupid America, eating hamburgers even when he's looking for me.

I could see it in Gil's eyes—he was planning something.

He then burst into a big grin and raised a finger to his mouth. _'Shhh' _the gesture said.

I raised an eyebrow but nodded. He grabbed my hand and dragged me along silently as we ran down in the opposite directions of our siblings' voices.

He then stopped dead in his tracks as he saw his two best friends talking together, their backs facing us.

He mumbled a 'damn' under his breath, and looked up and down the hall for a way to get by unnoticed.

I looked up at him questioningly. _Wouldn't the French and Spanish men help with his plan? _But then I heard what they were talking about.

Or more likely, _who _they were talking to.

Francis held his red, white, and blue phone (the device painted to look like France's flag) between Spain and him. And the call was on speaker phone because I heard Germany saying, "If you stop him, I'll find some way to repay you…"

He sounded very reluctant to this deal. I remember faintly Prussia telling me about how France had made him make a bunch of cuckoo clocks or something as payback.

France was saying that if he saw Prussia, he'd call Germany.

I looked back at Prussia to see that he had let go of my hand and was currently creeping down the side of the hall. He mouthed the word 'distraction' to me and pointed at the two.

I instantly understood Prussia's plan.

I nodded, and waltzed up to the two men, standing on the opposite side of the hall as Prussia was moving.

I put on my most fake smile as possible as I looked at France. _No way in hell I'd actually be happy to see this pervert…_

"Erm, _bonjour_, Francis. Hello, Antonio." I wiggled my fingers at them.

France and Spain immediately turned to face me.

Spain smiled and threw a hug on me. "_Hola, hermana~_" he chirped happily, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

I was used to the other two counterparts to the Bad Touch Trio calling me 'sister.'

France stepped next to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, trapping me between the two boys.

"_Bonjour, ma soeur_~" Francis said happily.

Both boys smirked at me with an evil look in their eyes. "You wouldn't happen to know where Prusse is, _sí_?" Spain asked me, moving his face closer to mine.

"We're on a little hunt for _notre ami_, _mon chéri_," Francis said, pressing his forehead against mine.

I dared not look in Prussia's direction, but I could see his white hair moving slowly down the hall. "Er…non. No, I-I haven't…" Damn, I was stuttering.

Both men shared a glance. "Oh really?" Francis asked. He didn't sound like he believed me.

"So he wouldn't happen to be anywhere nearby then, _oui_?" he moved his lips closer to mine, as if he were about to kiss me.

"N-Non!!" I moved my head back as far as I could.

Right as his lips were a centimeter away from mine, I dared a glance in Prussia's direction and saw him safely make it around the corner.

I ducked away from the two boys, Francis coming incredibly close to kissing the Spainard, and waved back at them.

"I really gotta be going, so bye!!" I dashed down the hall as fast as I could.

I ran right into Prussia as I turned the corner, and he gave me a grateful look.

I shuddered and glared at him. "You almost got me kissed by stupid Frenchie!!" I anger-whispered.

He nodded. "That's why you're almost as awesome as me, Ally~" he threw a hug around my shoulders, then quickly grabbed my hand and continued to move down the hall.

As soon as we were out of the BTT's earshot, I angrily slapped him upside the head.

"You know how I hate it when France gets near me!!!" I angrily said.

He rubbed his head, a look of faux hurt on his face. "Agh! I just complimented you!"

I glared at him. "Well, that's what you get for making me do that!!"

He rolled his eyes. "At least Antonio was there to break things up in case it got bad…"

I slapped him again. "No! He wasn't! Spain-nii was just as bad as France-nii was!"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "'-Nii?' Since when do you call them brother?"

I blushed. "Since they started calling me sister, idiot."

He laughed. "I doubt France actually considers you a sister…"

I glared at him again, but my eyes widened as I saw the dark figures sneaking around behind him. "Um…Gil…?"

"I mean, if Francis really thought of you as a sister, he wouldn't—agh!!" He was tackeled from behind by a very hyperactive Italian.

"Ve~ I found you, Gilbert-chan~"

Romano stepped forward and placed a triumphant foot on Prussia's back. "Stupid potato-bastard has everyone looking for you," he growled angrily.

"Urg. How did West find me?" he mumbled to the ground. I knew he was accusing me.

I felt arms wrap around my waist from behind. "Alice here is such a bad actor. Antonio and I knew something was up when she walked up to us instead of trying to hit us, oui~" France said, pulling me against his body.

I growled and elbowed said-Frenchie in the gut. "Lemme go!!!"

He only held onto me tighter.

"GAH!!! Gil!! Help get this stupid Frenchie off of me!!"

"I'm busy right now, Alice," he said, his voice muffled by the floor.

I screamed as loud as I could when the damn perverted bastard turned me around a placed a kiss on my lips.

America suddenly materialized out of nowhere and pulled me away from Francis, holding me bridal-style. "Ha! I saved you fair maiden!!"

I growled, and face-palmed.

_Why must all of the nations be so incredibly stupid?_

**~*~**

**Tee-hee~ Next chapter will be AU~  
**


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